Aware Parenting - Anger Management
Transformation Journey
Anger is a sacred messenger—a call to deeper awareness and growth. If you choose this approach to anger, than you might live this profound transformation. It does not demand perfection, but invites you to your true authenticity. Real, honest, and humble enough to admit when we have lost it. Instead of allowing anger to materialize into long moments of disconnection, we can choose to transform it into space of love, understanding, and emotional intimacy with our children. These moments of our vulnerability and painful truth, become sacred lessons for our little ones, teaching them not to strive for perfection, but to embrace their true selves with grace and compassion.
As humans, we are wired to experience the primal surge of fight-or-flight, a survival mechanism that can momentarily cloud our vision and make even our beloved children seem like adversaries. When anger rises, it courses through us like a storm—our muscles tense, our breath quickens, and our pulse races. In these moments, staying calm feels impossible, yet we know that reacting with violence or harshness, though momentarily gives us a release of pressure, is not aligned with our deepest goals and intentions as parents.
We should choose and commit to a higher path: no slaps, no swearing, no demeaning words, no threats. Screaming? Directing it at our children is merely an adult tantrum. If the urge to scream arises, go to your alone space - perhaps your car, toilet - be alone and release the energy without words, because words only empower the storm within.
Our children also experience anger, and by choosing to manage our own with the experience and wisdom, we seamlessly plant a seed of blessing: we protect them from harm, and we show them the art of emotional mastery. They will witness our anger, yes and they do have to witness it, but how we navigate it becomes their living lesson. Will we teach them that power overrules love? That adults, too, can lose control? Or will we show them that anger is a natural part of the human experience, and that its true purpose is to guide us toward growth and understanding?
It sounds difficult, almost impossible. You have the most powerful motivator ever existed, the well being of YOUR CHILD. I am sharing with you my thoughts on the approach to this matter. Everything guides us to inner work; self-control, self-embracing, compassion for our selves, understanding
Pause and Breathe
Bring the awareness to this feeling, to bodily sensations. Recognize that anger is not the space from which you want to make decisions or guide your child. Pause, step away, only for a moment. If your child is old enough, take a moment alone to the bathroom, splash cold water on your face, and breathe deeply. Count to 4 on inhale, hold it on count of 4, exhale to count of 6, hold it for 4 again. Be conscious that you are too upset to speak right now. Embrace the recognition that you need a moment for yourself, to gather your feelings and in the next step your thoughts. This act of self-control is not a surrender; it is a powerful application of emotional maturity. If your child is too young for you to leave, simply sit nearby, breathe deeply, and repeat to yourself that your child needs a navigator, that you are your child’s everything that it might need in every situation. Your child is learning one of life’s most profound lessons: how to navigate the storms of emotion with grace.
Release tensed energy
Anger is energy, and it must be discharged in healthy ways. Shake it of off your hands, consciously breath, or hum softly to yourself. Put a smile on your, force it for first few seconds, it can shift the energy and lighten the mood. Smile, even if it feels unnatural—it signals to your nervous system that all is well. Find something that helps you transforming this energy; music, dancing, reading, cooking, baking…pushups, squats ! We all have something, find your own Valve.
Shift Your Perspective
Anger always distorts our thoughts, painting our children as adversaries. Instead, remind yourself that your kids are having a hard time, and they don’t know how to deal with it, yet. See their behavior as a cry for help, a call for love and guidance. We always have to be aware of a simple truth: They are acting like a children because they children. Parent’s love is most needed when they seems to deserve it least.
What is the Message of Anger
Anger, like all emotions, carries wisdom. It asks us to look within and ask: What is out of alignment in my life? What needs healing or change? Sometimes the answer lies in our parenting—perhaps we need to adjust our approach, set clearer boundaries, or repair a strained relationship. Other times, the anger may stem from unmet needs—rest, support, or connection. Honor the message, and let it guide you toward growth. Be open for everything, be ready to admit to yourself that you make mistakes.
Wait Before Acting
Disciplined by anger is never wise. Instead, pause to think about this. You can speak about that later, when you feel back in control of your emotions. This not only model of self-control but also ensures that your response is thoughtful and aligned with your child’s long-term well-being.
Avoid Force and Threats
Physical punishment may offer momentary relief, but it inflicts lasting harm. If you feel the urge to strike, leave the room and calm yourself. Threats, too, erode trust and connection. Choose words that uplift rather than wound.
Speak with Intention
Your tone and words have the power to heal or harm. Speak calmly, even when the storm rages within. Countless researches show that a gentle tone soothes both speaker and listener, creating space for understanding and resolution. You have to be aware that your conscious intention of calming your kid down has the power ‘’to move the mountain’’.
Embrace Your Role in the Dance
Your child is your mirror, reflecting back the areas where you need to grow. If you find yourself repeatedly triggered, LOOK WITHIN. What unresolved pain or fear is being triggered? Take responsibility for your emotions, and watch as the dynamic with your child transforms. Watch your child develop in emotionally mature person, being able to handle any situation life brings.
Look Behind the Anger
Anger is often a shield, protecting us showing our vulnerability to external world. What hides behind it? Fear? Hurt? Grief? When you are willing to feel these deeper emotions, the anger dissolves, leaving space for transformation, healing and connection.
Choose Love Over Control
Not every battle is worth fighting. Focus on what truly matters—the way your child treats others, their emotional well-being—and let go of the small stuff. A jacket on the floor may irritate, but it is not worth depleting the sacred bond you share.
Seek Support When Needed
If anger feels like a constant companion, reach out for help. Therapy, support groups, or spiritual guidance can provide the tools and perspective needed to heal and grow. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is an act of profound love—for yourself and your child.
This spiritual reframing invites us to see anger not as an enemy, but as a teacher—a call to deeper self-awareness, compassion, and connection. By embracing its lessons, we not only transform ourselves but also create a legacy of emotional wisdom for our children.
The most important thing you have to keep in your mind, to make every cell of your body to live it, is - Everything that you can see in front of yourself, everything you can feel, observe and describe; everything is there because you are able to handle it, you are growing with your child, you are getting more mature while spending conscious time with your child.
Gratefulness, as one of the highest vibrational states we can experience, opens doors of infinite lessons and chances to learn and grow. Don’t fight the Anger; accept it. Find what works best for you to tackle it and learn from it.
Be well, Be good
MARKO MICIC
