Aware Parenting
Aware Parents - Happy Kids ?
Experienced people are saying - Raising children is the toughest work there is. But why? When I try to chat with other parents about this question, they usually come down to two reasons. First, because the responsibility is huge and hence stakes are so high. And second, there are no clear ‘‘guidelines’’ on how to do it right.
I support only one of those opinions. The stakes are certainly high. But we actually do know a great deal about how to raise a happy, responsible, emotionally resilient child. There are so many researches in the field of psychology on this important topic, and these unhide a clear pattern: when we respond with warmth, respect, and attunement to our kid’s unique needs—while setting supportive boundaries and guiding emotions constructively— we are inclining towards raising thriving children. Sensible, yet challenging. The hardest part is managing our own emotions so we can consistently show up in this way, the toughest thing to overcome….
Regardless of kid’s unique challenges, effective parenting requires inner work, aware parenting - requires awareness. A child does not create intentionally the frustration that leads to power struggles; these emotions arise from our own fears and unresolved issues when we were in their age. Our childhood, with its joys and wounds, remains a part of us, and when we’re triggered, those old emotions surface, directing our reaction. Our kid has a way of awakening our past struggles, which is why becoming an aware parent means consciously preventing unresolved emotions from shaping present interactions and creating similar patterns in our kid’s emotional body.
The qualities we wish for our children—happiness, emotional maturity and awareness, self-discipline and resilience—depend on our ability to cultivate those qualities within ourselves. If we reflect on our early experiences and nurture our own emotional well-being, we provide our children with a foundation that fosters loving relationships and meaningful lives. While we cannot control all aspects of their journey, we can help them develop the ability to surround themselves with supportive, caring people. We are trying to find the World around ussimilar to the World we were raised at and lived at.
Kids also learn how to regulate emotions from us. When we manage our own emotions, they internalize those skills, they do Copy/Paste with almost everything we do in their proximity. This connection is crucial because children regulate their behavior best when they feel emotionally safe with us. Moreover, we want our children to thrive—not just by achieving external success but by discovering and sharing their unique gifts. Supporting this process requires us to manage our own issues and freeing them to explore with confidence and resilience.
Some kids come into the world with more challenging temperaments, making our inner work even more essential. But regardless of a child’s disposition, our responses shape their ability to navigate life and it’s roller-coaster of emotional challenges. Our kids will both inspire and challenge us, delight and test our patience. Unintentionally, they will invite us to grow and the moment we accept this experience and see the blessing of it, we are starting a Life Journey to our highest possible version of ourselves. If we learn to recognize and regulate our emotional triggers, we can guide them with wisdom and compassion. By cultivating presence, reflection, and emotional balance, we become mindful parents raising emotionally healthy, happy kids.
The Number One Responsibility as a Parent
Mindfulness is being aware of you being aware of yourself. Of your thoughts, emotions, actions, ego driven phenomenon. And even in that case we have to be able to analyze decisions we are making and whether they are supported by our Ego or by our awareness. That is why our inner work is a never ending journey.
Our kids are still learning—developing emotional regulation, testing boundaries, and prioritizing play. Naturally, their behavior will push our buttons. The challenge arises when we react from our own unresolved emotions. If we want our kids to grow into emotionally balanced individuals, we must model that balance first, we must be the model we want them to grow up to. When we remain mindful—observing emotions without being controlled by them—we teach emotional regulation through example.
I guess there is a good reason airlines instruct us to put on our own oxygen masks first. Children cannot be expected to manage their emotions independently; they rely on us. When they struggle with jealousy, frustration, or insecurity, they need our guidance. However, if we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, we cannot provide the steady presence they need. That’s why our first responsibility as parents is to cultivate awareness of our inner state, and keep analyzing it over and over.
Mindfulness does not mean suppressing emotions; it means observing them without being driven by them. Anger might be a natural response, but acting on it impulsively undermines our role as guides. Instead, emotions should serve as signals—like indicator lights—alerting us to underlying needs, our inner Child requires attention at that moment. Reacting from a place of stress more than often leads to fight-or-flight responses, which are rarely constructive in parenting. Instead, we must train ourselves to pause and reflect before responding.
Even with the best intentions, there will be moments where we will be drowning in emptions. If we find ourselves unable to regain balance, it often signals unresolved wounds from our past.
Break the Cycle - Heal Your Wounds
In the absence of reflection, history repeats itself… Numerous researches are reaffirming that our kid’s attachment to us will be influenced by what happened to us when we were kids, if we do not get aware of it and understand those experiences.
While my wife was pregnant and after the birth of my daughter, often in meditation I was looking for advices on parenting. Along various interesting insights, which i shall eventually touch here as well, the constant Info was - Love her. Behind was a supportive reinforcement that children do not need perfect parents—just those who provide consistent love and support. However, maintaining that ordinary simplicity requires deep emotional strength. Parenting tests us in ways we never anticipated, demanding inner changes and constant self-reflection. It also offers an unparalleled opportunity for healing.
Most of us carry wounds from childhood. Left unnoticed, these wounds unconsciously influence how we parent, often repeating patterns we once wished to escape. A father raised with harsh criticism may unintentionally impose the same high expectations on his child. A mother who feared conflict may struggle to set healthy boundaries. The good news is that our children show us where healing is needed, offering a treasure map to abundance of understanding.
How could can we break the cycle and become more aware parent?
Notice your triggers. Children will always behave like children. If their actions cause an extreme reaction in you, it’s a sign of unresolved emotions from your past.
Pause, and than react. Even if you’re already in the middle of an outburst, take a break…breath…feel the air filling you lings and tummy… Modeling emotional regulation is more important than any other correction known.
Understand these emotions as signals. Anger is a scream that something from your past needs attention, decisions made in anger are never wise. Calm down and only then return to taking action.
Change your story, make it a Lesson, Experience. Your past cannot be changed, but your perspective on it can. Reflect on childhood experiences with compassion, recognizing the strengths you’ve gained.
Prioritize self-care. A well-rested, emotionally nourished parent can better support their child. Find simple ways to decompress—whether through exercise, meditation, or shared family rituals. Throw the phone away and try to work on your self when your kid is resting, we have to accept that most of our daily rhythm is adopted to our kid’s daily routine.
Seek support. If you think that you are drowning, its not shame to seek for support. Help your self to help you kid !
We are not perfect. Neither as human beings or as parents, nor is perfection necessary. What matters is a willingness to reflect, reshape, and eventually grow. Each time you pause, breathe, and choose presence over reactivity, you become a more mindful parent, you become more aware being. And in doing so, you give your kid the greatest gift: the foundation for a life filled with connection, resilience, and joy.
Got no idea when, But will continue on this topic often. Questions are rising and through this I question myself as well.
Thank You all.
Marko Micic
